Diary Of My Life
by charmedfanlover
Summary: Chris wrote his life in a diary. After years of his death, Leo finally found it, hidden under his bed while he was packing to leave the Halliwell Manor. The every truth hidden in Chris’s heart was revealed.
1. Chapter 1

My Diary of Life. 

The last page of Chris's diary,

I hated my life. Since the day I was born, I was taught that hierarchy was a form of life. I knew life as a flight of stairs, waiting for me to climb. One wrong step and I will be down. Nothing matters but the future. Present were nothing but a bunch of lies, made to make me hate. I hated so much that devil consumed my soul. When I was five, I waited at the door for my father. He never appeared. My mum told me he will and I trust her. Why did she lie to me? Lie to my face? Hurt me? Crushed my hopes and dreams? I hated her, why did she do that? Then one day my brother came. He came to bring me to his world. A world without emotions will be the best world for me and he brought me there. Probably if my heart wasn't filled with hatred, I probably had stayed. They forced me. The world forced me to go there. Yes, Wyatt did torture me when he was a kid but since we left the world for the underworld, everything was beautiful. He felt nothing for me and so am I. My emotions were erased by the great source. He helped me. I no longer feel love and I am happy or not, considering I can never feel again. But it didn't matter because its emotion that brings happiness and its emotion that brings sorrow. Emotion was what that brought to my downfall. Everything should not have happened. I deserved it. I killed myself because I wanted to feel again but I realised I was deceived. He never cared, never once. I thought he cared. I stabbed my heart to release my emotions, hoping he will heal me and loved me once again. I was wrong. He stood there and watched me bled to death. Now that I am a ghost trapped in the world filled with emotions, I realised as much as I hate to deny the fact that emotions create humanity, it did. I regretted giving my emotions to the source. Maybe if I have kept it, he could have felt my loved as a son for him, instead of hating me forever. I deserved his hate. My sins owed him more than my life. I took his everything. He hated me and I deserved it. At least I saw his tears while he let me die. He will not admit that he loved me but I did love him.

_What do you think?_


	2. Chapter 2

My Diary of Life. 

Leo reading Chris diary. Chris every emotions were poured into this book. His darkest secrets or purest heart were what made him who he is now. Dead or alive? No one knows but one thing for sure, Leo felt deeply for Chris. Regrets consumed his soul but what had Chris done that killed Leo's trust and love? Please review after this chapter if you want to know more or if you like it.

And there I stared long enough at the sky. I did that because mum told me that you are up there, looking at us. I went to the highest hill in San Francisco not for the scenic views but with the heart that you can see me missing you. I ignored the cold weather. I went there for almost all my life. Never once I missed a day. Rain or shine, I would orb there and lie there for at least an hour and sometimes even hours. But you never come. Never once I can see you in the eyes and tell you how much I loved you. I need not angels. All I need was a father. Was that such a difficult demand? I am just a kid. I just needed your love. I wanted you to come to me every night to tug me into bed. I just needed you to tell me that you love me too. Because I am obsessive for your love, I neglected what was important. I ignored the good. My heart bleeds too deeply every time your images flashes past me. I remembered when I was 8; I asked mum if daddy can come to see me playing my first basketball tournament in school and she promised me I will see my daddy. I worked hard to get to that stage. I am young but this tournament meant nothing to me. It was you I wanted. I wanted you to come and cheer for me. How I wished I could get one hug from you and a whisper at my ear saying, "I am proud of you, son. I loved you a lot" but it never came true. Yes, I did saw you that day and those words were whispered to my ears. I was so happy. My heart beat was beating at the rate of a flying horse speed. My tears were not sorrow tears but sense of happiness. I felt so warm in your arms. That was at least until I realised the truth. I was smiling all night that day but then when I was running to mummy happily, to tell her what you said to me, I saw her arguing with aunty Prue. Aunty Prue was scolding mum about personal gain. I might be young but I know clearly what personal gain was. Mum conjured a fake daddy to replace you just to make me smile. Why can't you come? Why must you make her cry? Why must you make me cry? I felt mummy's disappointment over the fake promises you gave her. I heard her saying how you promised to come but again you are busy. You bastard! You don't deserve my love. You don't deserve our love. You deserve nobody. I hated you. I despised you. While everyone was brought to the world with love, I was brought to the world with regrets and disappointment. You made me. I am who you made me. You will regret for what you did to me but most importantly, the times you made mum cried.

Leo closed the book. He gripped it tightly as tears dwelled in his eyes. His son hated him so much that he called him a bastard. Was he such a bad father? Whatever he did was for the greater good. Why couldn't he understand it? Why?

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	3. Chapter 3

My Diary of Life. 

_**Thanks for the reviews. I spaced it out so it is easier to read. Hope this helps.**_

**Chapter 3**

I never understood what lies hidden behind your innocent blue eyes. I thought a child is born to believe in what their heroes said.

You were my hero. I wondered if you even know that but I doubted it considering you were the one who turned your eyes off me.

Have you ever wondered why I would turn out like that? The prophecy you and the other Elders predicted came true indeed but it was

what you did that brought to the world's disaster. I could have been a great son, playing touch with you at a green field across my school.

I could have a dad. The night a whole group of Elders came was the night that made me realised one important thing. It was the fact that

the man I would want to shower my love on never wanted my love even from the start. They came to claim me. I heard mum argued with

them, trying her best to convince them that I have not a drop of evil in me. She was strong in defending me until you came. You knew

she was soft and I heard you said, "Piper, I saw it with my own eyes. Our son, Chris Perry Halliwell murdered Wyatt. His eyes were

hollow black. There was no innocence in that. Piper let me take him. I will be there to help him. It will be for the greater good, his future,

and our future." Do you know how it feels like? It felt like you, the dad I prayed to see and love, stabbing me right through my heart. I am

just a kid. I am lost. What should I feel? I didn't know what to do. All I knew during that desperation was I needed to run. I didn't want

to end up in your prison. I needed the freedom to feel and I guessed I will never escape from you. You came to my room to search for

me. I couldn't open my eyes. They were dead shut. I was afraid. I was chanting, "No…no…please….don't" until I realised one thing,

you found me. You embraced me and I felt so warm. I had never felt that way apart being with mum. I actually thought that maybe I

heard wrongly. Maybe you are finally back to me but the next thing I saw when I woke up was metal rods which glowed brightly

surrounding me. It's the truth even if I refused to accept it. You betrayed me. You betrayed my trust and most certainly, my love. You

singly handled me to your masters. You handed your son to them. You thought you were right about the prophecy and how I would

destroy the world but you thought wrong. It was you who created this monster and it was you who destroyed your family. If it was not

for Wyatt, I could be rotting inside without a single visit from human kind or the magical world but death and mute to feed me leftovers.

How dare you call yourself a father when you let your son suffered? I wrote this diary to remind myself that I wouldn't blame myself for

being evil but to remind you of the evil things you have created for the world you tried so hard to protect.

* * *

Leo remembered that day. It was all a mistake. He trusted the Elders too much. He hated Gideon for that. He told him that he was

bringing Chris to a world where he will learn to be good and kept safe there from the influence of evil but instead he placed him in a cell.

Leo hated himself for that. He never thought that he would be the one who brought sorrows to the world. All he wanted was smiles from

people. He never thought that protecting his son from evil would be the thing that turned him evil. If he could just turn back the clock to

explain to him that he was sorry and that it's human's mistake to not admit mistakes. The prophecy was right except it didn't quite turn up

the way he expected. He helped the evil side. Who is him now? Is he a hero for killing his own son to save the world or a devil for

bringing chaos to the world at the first place? Leo sat there staring at four empty walls with his mind blank and heart throbbing in pain.

_**Please give me your comments and reviews. I loved to see those...**_


	4. Chapter 4

Today is the day where I can finally stand up as a man, a hero to all those who are neglected by those who are selfish. I got

myself some comrades, talented men and women that will fight for me. Together we will create a better world. I am not evil,

not like the father I once had. He died long ago along with all my emotions. I want to make a utopia. Those who are ignored

the most important thing in this world, love shall be punished and that is when I play God. Wyatt thought I was betraying him

when I told him my plans and announced my betrayal, forcing me to hide in the 3rd dimension. Thanks to him, I got myself a

good mentor, an old family member, Auntie Phoebe's ex husband, Cole Turner. He didn't die. He was just trapped there with

his own will. Although he could easily escape, his loved for Auntie Phoebe was too much of a regret that he can never go back

to her. Uncle Cole was the best thing that had happened to me, he was like a father to me. Too bad he died shortly after he

thought me some tricks to hide in my sleeves. I picked up some skills and powers from him. I loved him and I truly did. He told

me his tales and how he wished he had a son like me. He never had the chance since his son died before birth. I wonder if my

dad ever regretted of not being able to be there for me but I am sure he regretted my birth. I can only chuckle when I think

about it. "Dad, if you are ever reading this, remember that I can only hate you and that is simply because my love is long

dead." Uncle Cole death was a small regret to me but maybe just a little. He would still be alive if he did not try to contact my

mum. I can't let her see me in this. I have not started my utopia. Letting my mum find me will simply means that I might need

to hurt her to make her understand. Perhaps some will see me as a mad man but in long term, they will see me as their

saviour. I shall dedicate this page to Uncle Cole for trying to be a good soul or at least he thought he is. I shall remember him

as my mentor and the man who helped me on my way to success. His 3rd dimension was mine along with his powers he

picked up from the waste land. Wyatt shall soon face me as his opponent. I never wanted to fight him but if I must, the

destiny will write our fates on the wall of fame because this is going to be the ultimate battle.

* * *

Leo couldn't believe what he read but if this is true, Chris would have become so powerful, perhaps stronger than Wyatt. He

could not have died just like that. At least Leo wouldn't want his son to die. He has too much regrets and he wants to make it

up to him but perhaps it is too late now. His son rather calls a demon his father than him. He must be an awfully terrible

human for a start who will never be fit to be an Elder.

* * *

Chris is said to be dead but then there could be a chance that the rumors of the lost child is back is true...

**I hope to read some reviews. Tell me what you think about it so far**


	5. Chapter 5: The begining

Another blank page. Wonder if I will still have the chance to lay my pen on this after today.

Today will be the ultimate battle.

Finally I can settle this once and for all.

For years, my pride and soul had been no more than a penny but now, people will respect me once I eliminate the Charmed ones.

I never wanted to battle Wyatt.

After all he is the only one who ever respected me and saw me as at least a bit of a useful 'thing' rather than everyone else, ignoring my existence.

Too bad today I have to fight him.

He just thought that i would be such a threat that he rather go back to mummy and daddy to fight me than to be with me.

I really hope that he will join me and not force me to kill him.

I told my comrades that today, everyone in my way, which will be the good magical beings will be gone if they don't cooperate.

I will deal with 'my family' personally and they can't be there.

I don't even need help.

I just need myself.

I want revenge and blood that will pay for the suffering I had all these years.

Let's hope I triumph. It will be such regret if I ever die without doing this one thing.

* * *

Leo remembered exactly what happened that night.

Chris came and so much happened.

Chris wasn't there to kill Piper or anyone else but him.

Chris just kept on coming towards him.

Every attack was lethal and filled with the darkest evil there can be.

Chris just hated him so much.

Leo felt it and he couldn't, couldn't kill his son but to defend and continue defending until he finally gave in to accept his rightful death only to realise he just killed another son.

Wyatt took the blast for him and said, "I didn't save you because you deserve it but because you are my father. I am sorry Chris but I have to do this. I need to pay this debt back"

Wyatt's death was too much to bear for Chris, Chris might be cold but the moment he felt Wyatt's weak pulse, he became mad.

Chris carried Wyatt and ran off.

Chris couldn't handle Wyatt's death.

He can't handle the fact he killed him as much as he thought he was cold enough to kill his family but he can't, he is weak. He is still human.

His heart is still bleeding. Crying.

All Leo remembered was Chris shouting "why?!" repeatedly like a mad man leaving Piper stoned and Leo just couldn't say a word.

That horrific scene had scarred Leo's heart forever.

**Please tell me what you think. Give me some reviews or comments. Tell me whether you like it or you want me to continue this. Thanks**


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